Romance by Wire

My sweetheart is eighty-seven years old. That’s all right. I am seventy-nine. Our romance is carried on by long distance telephone. It is very chaste. But we talk for an hour a day on the phone.

At first my phone bill was staggering. I changed phone companies five times in two years chasing the best long distance deals.  I had it down to manageable size even though we were 800 miles apart. But at least we were in the same time zone. At Seven AM every morning I called and we chatted, mostly about nothing, for an hour. We both depend on our morning calls.

Now she has moved to Texas, 2000 miles and two time zones away. It’s the time difference that makes the problem.

I found a message on my machine at 5:30 PM, “Sorry I missed you. I was sure you’d be in your room at 9:15.” Poor dear, she added two hours instead of subtracting. She had called at 7:15 in Texas time.

I called her back and we chatted and laughed about the mix up.

This morning at five am the phone by the head of my bed rang.

“Hello.” (Groggy)

“Good morning,” (Bright and cheerfully) , “Isn’t it a beautiful morning.”

“I don’t know. It is still dark outside.”

It will all work out.

My Brush with Greatness-- Part two

I just remembered an earlier meeting with a celebrity.  I will win the Old Timers award for this one... it happened in 1928, when I was four.  I don't remember, but I've been told.

   Up the street, at the corner of Alpine Drive and Elevado in Beverly Hills lived silent screen star, famous as a "vamp", Theda Bara. Bara used to dismount from her limosine a block from home, and walk the rest of the way followed slowly by her chauffer in the car.

   Little Charles, on his tricycle, spoke up, "You're Theda Bara."

   She stopped and patted me on the head and said, "The little ROSCAL knows my name.."

   She was a silent screen star, so having an accent didn't hinder her career at all.

My Brushwith Greatness

A friend and I took our lady friends flying in our Ercoupes. Ercoupes are antique, low wing monoplanes. We cruised a bit, then landed for lunch at the café at Agua Dulce Airport near Vasquez Rocks, California.

As we ate we noticed another Ercoupe circling and making touch and go landings, and commented that we seemed to be having a convention of ‘coupes. Soon the other plane landed and a flying instructor, Dix Logan, whom we knew, and his student, JOHN TRAVOLTA, who owned the little plane, came in. In those days, Travolta owned only one plane.

I shouted, “Ercoupe pilots, over here,” and they joined us.

We chatted about our planes and their flying characteristics. My lady friend was in awe, and tried to edge the menu closer for an autograph, but I said, “No, you don’t. We’re all just Ercoupe pilots here.” And Travolta said, “That’s right.”

I had commented on the Ercoupe’s special ability to handle cross-wind landings, and Travolta asked why that is. I said, “It‘s the sturdy landing gear. Have you noticed, it is built like brick outhouse.” Except, I used a more common scatological term for outhouse. My lady went into shock. How could I use language like that with John Travolta?

Asked if it were true that he was not allowed to fly while in New York filming Saturday Night Fever. He said “Yes, because so many peoples’ jobs depend on your safety .” But he confided that he had been able to get over to New Jersey for some flying.

Nowadays, Travolta flies his own jet worldwide, and I pilot my electric scooter closer to ground.

Signs on my Apartment Door

Seen on my door .  Recent series: Sayings from movies or TV

You're Fired --  Donald Trump

Kiss My Grits --  Flo (in Alice)

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn --  Rhett Butler

It was beauty killed the beast --  Denham  (King Kong)

I'll be back --Terminator

Tora! Tora! Tora! --  Yamamoto

Sorry about that! --  Agent 86

Life is like a box of chocolates.  You Never know what you are going to get --  Forrest Gump

Me, Tarzan.  You, Jane -- Johnny Weismuller

If you build it, they will come  --  Field of Dreams

Blondie! --  Dagwood Bumstead

They're ba-ack! -- Little Susie

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto -- Dorothy Gale

George, tell me about the rabbits, George --  Lenny Small

I was a better man as a woman, than I ever was as a man -- Michael Dorsey, Tootsie

Bring me an empty horse -- Samuel Goldwyn

Ready when you are, Mr. DeMille -- Old Joke

Make them an offer they can't refuse -- The Godfather

One night I shot an elephant in my pajamas.  How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know --  Groucho

I want to be alone --  Greta Garbo

Go ahead, Make my day -- Dirty Harry

Elementary, My dear Watson -- sherlock Holmes

Win one for the Gipper --Knute Rockne

Phone Home --  E.T.

If you want me, just whistle.  You do know how to whistle, don'tyou? --  Lauren Bacall

What would you add?

Snootchy bootches ----- Jay & Silent Bob,  From Bassjock

This is the begining of a beautiful friendship - Humphrey Bogart from Jeffcomedy

""Did I do that?"     --Steve Urkel from mgraves6033

Boldly go where no one has gone before  --Star Trek  from camaroisle050856

"Doh"  -- Homer Simpson  from KateH2Ocolorart

"Where's the Beef?"  --TV commercial  (Wendy's) from KateH2Ocolorart

"You never met a bad guy like me.  Make way for the bad guy."  -- Al Pacino, Scarface from lizardking6613

 

 

 

A Ride in the Goodyear Blimp

On my eighth birthday, in 1932, my grandparents bought me a ride in the Goodyear Blimp, Volunteer.  It was one of four in those days.  It had a landing field at LaCieniga and Wilshire in Los Angeles.  I have no idea what it cost.  We lifted off and flew west to Beverly Hills.  By craning and straining we could see on west and could even make out our house in Westwood.

At age forty I learned to fly a plane, and was reminded of my first adventure in the air, in the Blimp.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto

One of the residents of the “old folks home” I live in wandered off yesterday. I went on my “scooter” and searched the parking lots for her. Meanwhile, a concerned neighbor found her wandering and drove her home. That made me look into the future.

I see a future in which we all wear GPS locators. Global Positioning Systems are already so sophisticated that they can pin-point our location on the face of the earth within a few feet. Imagine a world with no more lost children or senior citizens. No more getting lost on the way to a friend’s new house. No more abductions, kidnappings, or escapes. A huge computer would track each and every one of us.

When Big Brother is always watching us, we will want him to be like an actual brother, looking after our welfare, not secret police or a political leader seeing that we behave. I think I’d like my GPS to have an optional “off” switch, so I could be lost if I wanted to.

Proud as a peacock

Man, I am proud.  Daughter Kate has a website.  Take a peek. Click on that link or enter http://hometown.aol.com/kateh2ocolorart/index.html