Howdy, Miss, Haven't I Seen You Somewhere?

Pick up lines

Who cuts your hair?

Don’t you just love pickled beets?

Didn’t I see you on Jeopardy?

I love the way your chin moves when you chew.

Can I read you your rights?

What’s your sign?

I had a pit bull with eyes just like yours.

I need a hug

Do you know any ATM machines near here?

Sell me some of your sizzle.

Am I hearing your beeper, or mine?

I’m not wearing any underwear.

May I show you my favorite magic trick?

Please check and see if my fly is open.

You could charm a snake.

I bet you wonder how I got my Purple Heart.

I teach the severely retarded.

I teach tongue placement to lispers

 

PICK UP LINES FOR SENIORS

 

Your teeth would look good in a cup beside mine.

I’m ready. I have a new battery in my pacemaker.

If you’ll sit on my lap we can go riding on my scooter.

I have some Geritol on ice in my apartment.

Your hearing-aid is squealing, or is it mine?

What are you doing after Bingo?

Quick, have you got a spare nitro-glycerin capsule?

My life expectancy is two years seven months. Yours?

Cement-ics

   Sometimes the word we want to use to describe an experience doesn't exactly fit.

   For example: this morning the sunny alarm woke me at seven. Then I had a warm fuzzy breakfast of Farina, muffin, and scrambled egg.  Then I took a delicious hot shower.

   One of the creatures in Alice in Wonderland says, "When I use a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean.  It's just a matter of who is the boss: the word, or I."

    That of course is from the author who said, "Twas brillig in the slithy tome." 

   Why should the meaning of a word be cast in cement?  Words should be like butterflies, flitting about and each one beautiful.

Before the Hereafter

   Up at 3 am thinking I should add something to the journal, just to keep it "alive".  So here is some drivel to add to Dribble.
   My niece and I were discussing the purpose of life.  She felt that she was wading through the "muck" of her life hoping her life would exhalt Christ.  I asked if she thought her life was really "muck", her word, and she back-tracked a bit, saying she meant the dull daily routine.
   I am non-religious, so that explanation for life did not fit me.  I said that my life was a novel that I am reading.  It has had its exciting chapters and its dull ones. The chapter I am on is pretty dull, but that the conclusion ahead would, I hoped, be more interesting.  There might even be an epilogue, I surmised.
   She said the epilogue would be the most important part. By epilogue we meant after-life.
   Actually I don't expect an after-life, but it is reasonable to at least consider it.
   My cousin, 89, expects an after-life without pain, in which she could wear loose white frocks with blue trim, and people keep their appointments.  She would have a large bed in which she would not feel cramped.  Her garden would grow without weeds.  In fact, she was describing her present life without the constraints she has placed upon herself.
   One of my tablemates believes in an after-life, but will only make jokes about it, saying she is going to "Republican, cat-free, heaven."  Some of my journal friends would say that if there are no cats in heaven, they aren't going to go there either
   The Menonite choir that comes to visit our old folks home sings regularly about "Streets of Gold" and "Dinner time in Heaven and the table's heavy laden."  I asked what they eat in heaven and no one answered.  I wonder what gold streets are good for?
   Well, wondering about the purpose of life, and the nature of a possible after-life has filled forty minutes that would have been spent tossing and turning in bed.  It has added an entry to a sparse journal. 

   Big finish with a joke:The parson asked the elderly resident of a rest home if he ever considered the hereafter.
   "Oh, yes," said the old timer.  "Often I walk into a room and ask myself, 'Now what did I come in hereafter?'."
   --Chuck at 4 am

Another Car Survey

My tablemate, Wilma, was shocked to find that her new Toyota had no keyhole on the passenger side door.  Car must be opened from the drivers' side.

I thought that was curious, so I took a tour of the parking lot on my scooter.  Ah hah.  I found a Lincoln that has no passenger side keyhole.  In fact it had no keyhole at all, just a combination keypad on the drivers side.  I wonder if it works when the battery is dead.  Maybe Lincoln's batteries don't go dead.

I also found a keyless passenger side door on a Jeep, a Nissan, a Ford, and a Honda.  Is that the way cars come now?

Why?

In the comments section below...ryanagi tells why... car doors are "keyless" now.  You press the key in your hand and the door unlocks.  Wilma, the car owner mentioned above, found this out too, to her amazement.  She says, "One of these days, I am going to read the owners manual."

We're just twentieth century kids that have lived into the twenty-first.  We have a lot to learn about modern conveniences

Singing the Blues

Lenny, the Paradise Gourami, has been renamed Herman, and moved to a larger bowl with some living plants in it.  He must be happy because his fins have turned from pale white to bright blue and he moves about more.

 

   Lenny, before                      Herman, after

As Changeable as the Weather

Eva, see entry below, who was engaged, then wasn't, then was, who fell and broke her hip, now has broken leg instead.  It was, or was not depending on who is telling the story, operated on yesterday.

This adventure may, or may not, be continued later.

Getting a straight story in the old folks home is difficult.

As the housekeeper told James Thurber in My Life and Hard Times, "They are here with the reeves."

Life in an Old Folks Home -- Continued

   Eva, octogenarian, who is engaged to Milton, likewise, fell while getting out of bed and broke her hip.  She is in the hospital.

   Enough said, that's life in the old folks home.

                           == 0 ==

   Emma reported that someone stole her wine while she was at dinner.  She showed the empty bottle to prove her loss.  Later it was found that her son took her full bottle away because the caregivers said she "couldn't have wine in her room without a doctor's okay.":

                           == 0 ==

   Maxine reported that during the recent rain, people came in from outside and got into her bed with their muddy shoes.  They brought all their animals with them and they are on the walls, all around, and were "still there".

                             == 0 ==

   One night I heard a disturbance in the hall and looked out to see Ida in her nightgown, standing by the outside door, directing Frank to search for an intruder between cars in the parking lot.  Frank was armed with a pocket knife.