What a night. I had two good hours of sleep before I woke up at two a.m., thinking I had slept the night through. Since then, until now, five a.m., have been stewing about a possible move from my two room apartment to a ONE room studio apartment.
The move would save me a bushel basket full of money, but..... how can I cram all the stuff "I cannot live without" into one ordinary sized bedroom? I lie in bed thinking, "I;ll take the decorative geese my uncle hand carved, and, oh, I mustn't forget the hanging bird feeder outside my window... and ah..."
No birds have visited the bird feeder for years, and I am scarcely aware of the decorative hand carved geese, but, they are keepsakes, family heirlooms, and I cannot "live without them". So they must move with me, And on and on, not sleeping, just considering what to take if I move. My life, and rooms, are filled with things I need, in case I want to do some of the wonderful things I plan to do someday.
I don't have to move. But the apartment available is one of the nicest one room apartments at the old folks home. If I am going to move, now is the time.
I have decided, now in the middle of the night, that I will tell the Administrator that I will make the move. I am decisive. BUT morning is hours away. How many other thoughts and considerations will pop into my mind before she arrives in the morning?
Moving is trauma and stressful, and I don't need any stress, thank you. But moving is also an adventure, and I do need adventure and new things in my life.
Dear me, life is so complex... especially at five a.m.
I got out of bed, dressed and mounted my wheelchair and went roaming through the halls, looking for someone to talk to. Silly man, there is no one up and the halls are empty. However, the caregivers had brewed some fresh coffee, and I helped myself to a cup. That helps me think...but not sleep. I am glad I have this journal to expound to. It helps me reason things through... but not enough to make a final decision.
Insomnia, the inability to sleep, has overtaken me. And no wonder..