Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Insomnia

What a night.  I had two good hours of sleep before I woke up at two a.m., thinking I had slept the night through. Since then, until now, five a.m., have been stewing about a possible move from my two room apartment to a ONE room studio apartment.

The move would save me a bushel basket full of money, but..... how can I cram all the stuff "I cannot live without" into one ordinary sized bedroom?  I lie in bed thinking, "I;ll take the decorative geese my uncle hand carved, and, oh, I mustn't forget the hanging bird feeder outside my window... and ah..."

No birds have visited the bird feeder for years, and I am scarcely aware of the decorative hand carved geese, but, they are keepsakes, family heirlooms, and I cannot "live without them".   So they must move with me, And on and on, not sleeping, just considering what to take if I move. My life, and rooms, are filled with things I need, in case I want to do some of the wonderful things I plan to do someday.

I don't have to move. But the apartment available is one of the nicest one room apartments at the old folks home.  If I am going to move, now is the time.

I have decided, now in the middle of the night, that I will tell the Administrator that I will make the move.  I am decisive.  BUT morning is hours away.  How many other thoughts and considerations will pop into my mind before she arrives in the morning? 

Moving is trauma and stressful, and I don't need any stress, thank you. But moving is also an adventure, and I do need adventure and new things in my life. 

Dear me, life is so complex... especially at five a.m.

I got out of bed, dressed and mounted my wheelchair and went roaming through the halls, looking for someone to talk to. Silly man, there is no one up and the halls are empty.  However, the caregivers had brewed some fresh coffee, and I helped myself to a cup.  That helps me think...but not sleep.  I am glad I have this journal to expound to. It helps me reason things through... but not enough to make a final decision.

Insomnia, the inability to sleep, has overtaken me.  And no wonder.

7 comments:

madcobug said...

I hope you make the right kind of decision for you Chuck. Helen

mawmellow said...

I hate making decisions !!!  I get sleepless over things too.  Counting sheep never worked for me.  Good luck with your decision and your stress and the move, if that's what you decide !

garnett109 said...

Good luck with the move take it all with you !

judypearllove said...

I LOVE IT WHEN I FIGURE A WAY TO SAVE MONEY AND LIKE WHAT I'VE DECIDED TO DO TO SAVE THE MONEY. IS THERE ROOM FOR A CHEST OF SOME KIND TO KEEP THE THINGS YOU WANT ? IF NOT IS THERE SOMEONE YOU COULD TRUST WITH THE THINGS YOU STILL WANT BUT  DO NOT HAVE ROOM FOR. I'M THE WORST PERSON ABOUT SAVING THINGS. I PUT THINGS IN MY ATTIC I THINK I DON'T WANT THIS OUT ANY LONGER BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET RID OF IT EITHER. I END UP WITH AN ATTIC FULL OF THINGS I NEVER USE AGAIN. I DO LIKE IT THOUGH WHEN I CLEAR AWAY OLD THINGS TO MAKE MY HOUSE UNCLUDDERED IT'S THE ACT OF DOING IT THAT STRESSES ME OUT. I GUESS I'M NOT MUCH HELP ONLY GAVE YOU MORE TO THINK ABOUT. WHAT EVER DECISION YOU MAKE IT WILL BE THE BEST ONE FOR YOU. THINGS ALWAYS SEEM EASIER ONCE THE SUN COMES UP. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

valphish said...

Saving money really could change your standard of living, Chuck, saved objects don't.  You just need to take care of them.  I try to do a sweeping clean and if I don't use something in about a year, I try to toss it.  Of course, family heirlooms are something different.  Is there someone who can hold on to things you hold dear to you?  So you have more space?  I would make the move!!  Good luck with your decision and your move!!  Hugs, Val xox
http://journals.aol.com/valphish/ThereisaSeason
P.S.  The one who dies with the most toys just has relatives who has to clean up alot of toys.

kateh2ocolorart said...

YOUR LOCAL Grandson has a friend with a truck to help move things to storage locker, and FROM storage locker...your not so local grandsons have a truck, don't they, and a son-in-law who is strong and not otherwise occupied...maybe a call out to get some help with moving and rearranging stuff will make up your mind?
Sorry I can't help physically unless it is later in the year.

 I also think...

HOW would your lifestyle change with more money except to collect MORE STUFF?
so, on that I agree with Val's last post.

Consider the sun light...as one room has North exposure and one room has south albeit thru the trees.  AND, speaking of exposure...one room has floor to ceiling glass just off the patio...ooh la la, your neighbors might be shocked!

The other thought I have is my personal take...money is only money, but personal SPACE is important to a feeling of well being too. (At least for me...i.e.  I will live in a 2 story house as long as I can manage, not because it has extra FLOOR space, but because it is like a perch in a tree, and I FEEL like I have more space.

All for now!  #1 Daughter...not ALWAYS the practical one!
Love you!

monponsett said...

Shelving solves all your problems...