Sunday, January 21, 2007

Pondering

I just spent an hour on the bed with a book, and now I am pondering my existence. The book did that to me I guess.

If I am not reading or writing, I am not doing anything. If I am not working on a relationship, I am not doing anything. Relationships are with family, people I live with, and with on-line friends. Also some relationships are with people who are yet to come, my descendants and others who may be interested, my students, my disciples, my followers. They may learn from me or by studying me. I gave some of me in my genes, and I gave some of me in my teaching.

Not doing anything is wasting time, keeping me from what it is that I am supposed to accomplish. Being eighty, with lots of ailments and physical limitations, I have less time to waste.

Before I die, I have something to do. What is it? Am I doing it? Am I doing it well?

Wow, I can’t put this in my journal, it is too egocentric, too egotistical. Yet, it is what I am pondering right now.

7 comments:

garnett109 said...

I wonder that myself sometimes , why Am I here , what should I do , Whats my purpose?
It justs keeps me up at night!
Have a great day!

bamawmn46 said...

What would you like to do, my dear friend?
Jackie

madcobug said...

I think a lot of us have some of those kind of feelings as we get older. Helen

desannie said...

Yes, I think we all start asking such questions as we age.  However, you have accomplished so much more with your life.  You have children and grandchildren to love and leave a legacy to.  You have left your wit and wisdom to your students.  Think how you have influenced so many.  And you continue to do so online.  I learn from you all the time.  Annie

tendernoggle said...

CHUCK, FROM READING YOUR JOURNAL, I HAVE BEEN MADE TO THINK ABOUT THINGS THAT I NORMALLY WOULD NOT...I HAVE ALSO LAUGHED, AND I HAVE LEARNED....I THINK YOUR JOB IS TO STILL TEACH US!!! THANKS FOR BEING HERE TO DO THAT!
LOVE YA,
CARLENE

hopdiann said...

Just found your blog, Chuck, and love it.

All my teachers have been an inspiration to me - either to be like them, or not to be!

What are you reading at the moment?  I just finished "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy (hope I spelled that right).

regards

Di

jocalodave said...

Oh, yeah, Di. You put your finger on it:  To be or not to be... That's still the question, isn't it?

Chuck says he's 80 and time has become more precious. Hmmm.

I've been living among them -- the 80- and 90-somethings -- for nine or ten months, now. And I've learned that there actually IS a correlation between age and wisdom.

Unfortunately, I've also learned that even at the upper reaches (my best friend is a 99-year-old) wisdom remains limited. I'm blown away by the perspective and clarity with which some of the old-timers speak; but, upon fairly careful analysis, it seems pretty apparent that they aren't much closer to finding credible answers to the really BIG questions than those half their age -- or younger.

I guess Chucks "what it is that I am supposed to accomplish" is one of the biggest of these. How do we know what we should do if we don't know our purpose.

A lot of folks my age won't make it to age 80. And I've become pretty philosophical about that fact because too many whom I have loved left this place after less than half that span -- far less in a couple of cases.

I'm not much opposed to "doing nothing." Many of my best ideas came at the end of "down time" -- time that must not have really been so "down" after all as it served as a period of gestation for the ideas...

I enjoy a good nap, I groove on daydreaming, I'm OK with oversleeping and I live to zone out.

I'm not really sure that "not to be" is the lesser choice -- in many circumstances.

It's been said that there's little point to making good time if you don't know where you're heading.

Now, please excuse me. I'm going to go lie down for a while.

DB

(Ride along with me at http://wanderingdave.com )